Brushfire of Freedom
Ram Rants
I must admit to something of a guilty pleasure. It is part of my personality that does not necessarily make me proud, but at the same time brings me a certain, unique level of joy.
I like to "tweak" liberals.
Not all liberals mind you, just that group of liberals who are so absolutely certain of their beliefs and ideas that any challenge to said ideas brings their blood pressure to the boiling point and causes them to nearly seize with anger. They are more easily identified as "academicians". Now, for the record, I have a rather extensive academic background that includes both graduate and post-graduate degrees. I must even admit that I have a Liberal Arts degree and a professional background as a journalist. You would think that, with this background and these credentials, I would be more likely to have a quiet tea with your typical liberal professor than purposely stoke a debate. Yet I have mixed into my background a heritage of self-sufficiency that makes the liberal ideal almost alien to me, and makes me a target for most liberal "thinkers". You see, they assume that, with my background, I simply have not heard the key points to their argument and, with just a few moments of discussion and debate, I will be swayed to their side, having seen the light.
This has in the past resulted in many spirited debates, taking hours of time and sometimes pages of postings on Facebook, Twitter, or elongated email chains. While I do believe that I have managed to have some slight effect in swaying some of the liberals with whom I have debated, I must confess that not a single liberal point has managed to penetrate my "thick Conservative skull". I am a stubborn old cuss in that I refuse to be swayed by arguments based in shifting relativist sands and a wildly spinning moral compass. I have however learned the absolute best way to piss off or "tweak" a liberal.
Ignore them. Laugh at them. Make their arguments look like jokes. I can, in a matter of just a few words, create such a unique level of anger and frustration in a liberal that they will spend days posting, re-posting, insulting, and admonishing me for every aspect of my simple comment. And please note, you can't just ignore them, you must tell them you are ignoring them.
Something like, "So sorry, I've ignored everything you've said. Your position is simply re-hashed sixties hippy liberalism and I've grown very tired of all that. Have a great day!"
This will usually result in rising voices, an increased arrogant attitude, and a rant on the indefensible and unethical positions of the Conservative movement. Liberals are so convinced of the infallibility of their positions that they will attack you with the fervor of a Crusader if you question their beliefs. You are a heretic, a moron, an idiot, a rude, boorish, ignoramus with a condescending attitude and bad teeth.
It is so much fun to watch.
They will begin to lose steam. You have two choices here. You can either let things go, having had your fun, or you can do what I do...
laugh at them.
Look, don't waste a lot of time reading everything they write or listening to everything they say. Honestly it's rather painful to try to twist your head around their arguments. Besides, half of what they say or write will be nothing but insults directed at you, often personally, so don't get too deeply involved. Instead, grab on to a couple of keep points they are trying to make, and laugh at them. You've got to really sell it (not that hard, actually) and almost point at them when you laugh. Make it obvious that you think they've just told the funniest joke you've ever heard.
Then step back.
At this point it's a bit like playing with a top. The more you spin it, the longer it will turn. I like to wrap them through their arguments two or three times. They will usually contradict themselves as they rant, so the longer they go the more likely you'll have a chance to point out their inconsistencies. When you do point out how they have contradicted themselves, it is always good to laugh at the fact. This creates even more frustration on their part as they try to talk themselves out of their own contradiction. At some point they will be forced to re-define "is", which is usually when I quit.
Some of you are probably a bit annoyed with me at this point. How could I be so obviously crass? How am I helping the Conservative cause if I spend my time alienating people on the other side? What good is all of this anyway?
Look, the liberals I tend to tweak are not likely to be "turned" by me or anyone else. They will need to come to their own conclusions. At some point it is possible that they will see the error of their arguments and they will slowly shift their thinking. No one outside of themselves will ever convince them that their liberal ideas are flawed. Since this is the case, why not get a little entertainment? Why not have a laugh, crack a smile, enjoy life a bit, even if it is at their expense? The entertainment industry is polluted with liberals who are paid to make us laugh, I am simply getting the occasional "freebie". Besides, can you think of a better use for liberals? Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned, and that is a very funny thing to me.
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