And the Winner is...

by Irritable Pundit 12. October 2009 02:00

 Brushfire of Freedom

The Irritable Pundit

*The Lights dim*

Welcome, everyone to the 2010 Susan G. Komen "Race For The Cure" banquet!

*applause*

The total raised this year to fight breast cancer was 47 million dollars!

*wild applause*

Tonight we want to thank the organizers around the country, and pay tribute to this year's "Pink for life!, Woman of the year award", to the most extraordinary woman with the greatest story of breast cancer survival.  All of the women nominated have truly amazing stories of survival. They have stood strong through tragedy and pain.  Each of their struggles are an inspiration to us all.   This years winner is no exception.  Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the "Pink For Life!" Woman of the Year award is... Barack Hussein Obama!

*stunned silence, as Obama takes the stage*

Thank you! Thank you! 

Although I do not in fact have a vagina, regardless of what my wife says about my inability to take a punch, I accept this award in the sycophantic spirit in which it was given.  And I want to thank the members of this body for your bosom efforts in these last several months while I suffered from breast cancer and a double mastectomy.  I can't tell you how much your 24 hour support has meant to me.  I questioned my womanhood often during my ordeal, but I never questioned your support, cross my heart, and I want to shine the headlights especially on those who’ve taken the difficult measures that have put me on a path to recovery. Sure, my critics will point out that none of this ever happened but thats old style thinking. We have to get beyond the failed thinking of the past.

Let me be clear, those days are over. It’s time to choose. Whether we will stand by and watch the usual breast cancer battles, what with real victims and such, or move towards change and hope instead! To offer a new direction for the breasts and country we love! To turn the page on the sweater puppy policies of the past! Because that is the change that we are hoping for isn't it? A new hooter hope for the future! To bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face as women with new DD implants! Which is a change your husbands will certainly love! A changed hope for a newly hoped for change, for all of us!

So I accept this award, as I have all the many many others and those yet to be given, like every other tin-pot dictator with a chest full of vanity medals. With a completely unearned sense of entitlement, knowing that if you do not acquiesce, my minions at CNN will call you racists.  Thank you!

*nervous applause*

I would love to stay longer, but I'm headed to pick up my Grammy for best new song "All Hail to the Chief", and I have to prepare a speech for the upcoming MLB World Series! Don't forget to pick up your autographed picture of me as you leave the room! Goodnight!

*crickets, as Obama is ushered from the room*

...

Hi all, IP here, and I know -- I KNOW-- that I will receive angry emails about taking breast cancer & the Susan G. Komen foundation's excellent work lightly.  I don't, but it was the only thing I could think of that Obama is less deserving of than a Nobel prize after 2 weeks in office as President (that is when he was nominated).  Still annoyed? Check out Flopping Aces for a little story on Dr. Sima Samar.  You know, one of the hundreds of real heros/heroines passed by for Barack's shiny little medal.  http://www.floppingaces.net/2009/10/10/so-who-else-was-nominated-for-the-nobel-peace-prize/

And if you are still irritated at me rather than Obama, you have your priorities completely hosed or you are an Obama cultist (but I repeat myself).  For you Obama cultists, here is one more thing to annoy you (until next Monday's column, anyway), yet another photoshop of his most magnificent, the merciful and benevolent dear leader himself, fresh from another triumph!

Cheers!


 

 

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October 12. 2009 02:14
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United States Texasgirl 
October 12. 2009 17:04
Texasgirl
hahahaha.... I busted out loud laughing. Surely you definitely deserve an award for best use of references to breasts.  Besides for that.. point well made. Keep up the great work here, the laughter, and saying what should be said.

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