Brushfire of Freedom
The Irritable Pundit
To our readers: The Irritable Pundit has taken a brief vacation, so answering this week's selected emails will be the current White House designee to the Supreme Court, the honorable Sonia Sotomayor!
Dear Irritable Pundit,
How is it that the current administration can not see that their fiscal policies are actually hurting us all?
Sincerely,
Confused Suburbanite
Dear Confused,
Based on your grammar, diction and admitted suburbanite existence I can only assume you are a white male and therefore do not have as rich an existence as a minority. This is important, as without the enriching effects of a differing melanin level, one can not hope to truly understand complex issues. As a caucasian you simply can not be expected to understand the complexity of your own question as your own existence is so thin and unrewarding. Absent that, you have the additional misfortune of not having ovaries. Ovaries allow one to choose what they perceive far better than those unfortunates who sadly do not have them. I am sure you do not agree, but If you were a wise Latina, you would understand.
Saludos!
Sonia Sotomayor
Dear Irritable Pundit,
I love your column! You should make videos too, like Stephen Crowder and ZO do over at Hot Air and Big Hollywood.
Signed,
Colorado Fan
Dear Colorado Fan,
The Irritable Pundit is, I am almost sure, Male. There is a level of testosterone in the words he writes, and a complete lack of empathy to the deeper meanings a wise Latina can discern. With the Irritable Pundit it is always "facts facts facts". So foolish! We simply do not need anymore un-wise un-latina influences in popular culture. Not that there really is much "culture" in America anyway, outside of the rich exhilarating and heady things brought to it by its minorities. Now I am sure you may say that sounds almost racist, but I expect that lack of understanding from those who are not wise Latinas, and reject your comments appropriately.
Saludos!
Sonia Sotomayor
Dear Irritable Pundit,
I was thinking I'd surprise my girlfriend with a wedding proposal. What do you think of the Olive Garden as a place to pop the question?
Signed,
Love struck
Dear Love struck,
Obviously you are an angry and aggressive male, and your girlfriend (who you abuse) should run as far and fast as she can. You should be arrested! "POP" the question? Love "STRUCK"? So aggressive! I can tell with my amazing empathy that you are the issue here by reading between the lines to see the penumbra of violence in your now deconstructed male-dominant tragedy. I understand love and families better than you by the richness of my experiences, even if I am alone with my 12 cats. And for the record, they are all wise Latina cats! Olive Garden is Italian by the way, which is really caucasian, which means it is fake culture and not enriching. You are welcome for explaining these things to you! Also, be sure the ring is at least 1 carat, otherwise you are economically oppressing her rights.
Saludos!
Sonia Sotomayor
That is all the time we have with Sonia, check back next week when the guest column will be "Tim Geithner's guide to tax issues!"
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