Brushfire of FreedomThe Irritable Pundit
The roadway can be a dangerous place. Even for someone as remarkably sane, talented, clever and all around amazing as the Irritable Pundit. According to car-accidents.com, "There were nearly 6,420,000 auto accidents in the United States in 2005. The financial cost of these crashes is more than 230 Billion dollars. 2.9 million people were injured and 42,636 people killed. About 115 people die every day in vehicle crashes in the United States -- one death every 13 minutes."
I assume a few people have been injured in the following years (such a staggering intellect!) but that particular site didn't feel the need for more recent statistics, so I don't either. Now then, how do you protect yourself?
Well, William Szlemko argued in the Journal of Applied Psychology (reported in the Washington Post) "Drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other "territorial markers" not only get mad when someone cuts in their lane or is slow to respond to a changed traffic light, but they are far more likely than those who do not personalize their cars to use their vehicles to express rage -- by honking, tailgating and other aggressive behavior." Basically, the idea is that those who put on bumper stickers are more likely to be "marking their territory", and react accordingly in their driving behaviors.
Eh... maybe.
I won't argue bumper stickers can be the driving equivalent of my dog marking the fence, but I don't think thats all there is to it. Instead, I think the type of bumper sticker is a clue as to the general ability of the driver to think in clear and concise terms. To unemotionally react to changing circumstances. To be able to change the station, answer the phone, take a bite of a McNugget, read a map, and STILL make the I25 exit!
There are really only five types of stickers, lets examine together shall we? The Irritable Pundit shall be your guide to safe driving. Please, please... no thanks are necessary. I'm happy to help!
1) The brag sticker:
Those really just say "Look at me!". They say nothing one way or the other about the person's ability to drive. This particular fellow however is going to have issues with his son soon though. Trust me.
2) The humor sticker:
These include general humor (I'd rather be fishing) and even religious humor (My boss is a Jewish Carpenter) . All they say is the driver has a funny or self-deprecating view of life. These guys are more likely to be mellow in an accident, but are not any more likely to be in one.
3) The external cause sticker:
These type of stickers tell you that the driver is not paying attention to day to day affairs -- be very afraid. While they are worrying over Tibet (silly, as the Chinese ended that debate long ago) they are likely to lay you low as they linger over their latte whilst turning leftward. By the way I've always found it funny that all of the religions that make up the "Coexist" sticker do in fact coexist well -- except for the Crescent. And those folks wont put that sticker on their car, and will threaten to behead you if you try (someone queue Alanis Morissette).
4) The internal cause sticker:
These stickers generally revolve around rights as they pertain to the individual, not a fluffy hazy feel-good eternal goal. These people are just regular drivers, no worries. Although as a side note, rear-ending a car with that sticker is perhaps not particularly in your best interests.
5) Finally, we have the political stickers.
These stickers will tell you quite a bit. The worst drivers have slogans that show their absolute idiocy, while others assure you of their driving skills.
For example, this person is a danger to everyone around them.
While this fellow is obviously safe, clear headed and in all ways someone to trust on the road.
There you have it! With these new rolling guideposts, you too can be almost as safe a driver as your esteemed irritable Pundit! Huzzah!
Now, lets be careful out there.
Contact The Irritable Pundit Brushfire Home
Copyright 2009. The published content is the sole property of the author. Any copy, use, or redistribution of any portion of the material without the written consent of the owner is a violation of international copyright laws.